In the Night

I pull my coat on, grab my bag, and head out into the night—though sometimes I'd prefer to be heading to bed instead of to work. But work is a privilege. I, along with an amazing team, look after some of the very vulnerable, who know their days are counted, and provide care for their families too. Cups of tea, cake, midnight laundry, memory making, chats, silence, medicines, laughter, sleepless nights, tears, cuddles, music, rest. These are the rhythms and routines of working in a hospice for children. We try to enhance life. And then we provide care for the child and their family up until death. And then we attempt to care, and to ease the practical burden, after the worst has happened.

I am a nurse. I am also a Christian. Is there a tension? Sometimes, definitely. The frequent encounters with very real life and very real death cause me to consider how Christ enters into it all. How is what I've read in the Bible that week relevant to the sorrows I see, to the sorrows families face?  

In the Sorrow

I read Job last year. It was just “next” on the reading plan, and I've read it before. I was not expecting to learn anything in particular and I read it quite quickly, rather than stopping to really study it. I didn't use commentaries or study materials. I didn't underline things or write notes. I was probably aiming to get through it and tick it off the list. But instead, it was a significant read.  

Most people probably know Job is about suffering, but that is not what struck me on this occasion of reading it. After Job’s suffering, his friends try to provide insight and advice and possible explanations. This discussion rumbles on. And on. Until the end of chapter 37.  

Then, suddenly, God enters the conversation. And everything changes. “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place … Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades or loose the cords of Orion?” (Job 38:4, 12, 31)

Read Job 38 and 39. Read it all. After so many human attempts at explanation, God almost takes my breath away. And if I'm honest, that does not happen very often.  Sometimes we, with our human perspective, can think that if we just talk about things enough, or study theology enough, or are clever enough, that we will be able to fully understand God.

In the Unknown

To understand why I had to sit in a hospital, waiting for my husband's diagnosis. To understand why one friend is winning the battle with cancer and another friend has lost. To understand why our spare room is still spare. To understand why hospice for children even has to exist.