This post was written by Elizabeth Santelmann. Read more about Elizabeth at the bottom of the post.
I struggle to keep Truth before me.
I tend to be one of those people who move back and forth between agonizing doubt and stepping forward in faith. The dry times in various phases of motherhood have derailed me on a couple occasions. For me, I don’t think it’s actually a matter of having actual minutes in the day, as much as it is having the mental energy. After sleepless night, worrying about enough milk for my baby, dirty bathrooms, and crawling out from mounds of laundry, it can be easier to use a quiet moment to flop on the couch and watch Netflix, or scroll through Instagram.
It is only when I remind myself that motherhood is not a series of tasks, but a kingdom mission, that I desire to take time to fuel up in order to continue to pour out.
I have gone back and forth trying to decide what is best for my spiritual growth at this time of life. Most weeks I go back and forth between doing prayer and devotions while my boys take a nap, and doing it when they are awake.
I want them to see how vital God’s grace is to my own existence.
I want to them to connect the times I respond in grace to the source of grace.
When trials face our family, I want them to connect the faith that sustains us with a faithful God.
I want them to see me worship him in the music we listen to, so they learn the character of the God we worship.
I want them to know that I pray for them and their future, so that they can root their future in Him.
I want them to know that without His grace I am easily angered. Without His mercy I am discouraged. Without His perfect example of love I am self-centered.
I know that I fall short of the standard daily, even the minimalistic standards I set for myself, but that is where His perfection brings comfort. I remind myself daily that “He gently leads those who are with young.” I think the thing I have needed most is to focus on the days I have spent time with God, rather than mentally chastising myself for the days I have been too weary. Some days all I do is listen through a worship playlist.
I know that when they look back on to their childhood, they will see God’s hand at work despite my days of imperfection. I pray that they will never remember a time that their little hearts did not know how much they need His work on the cross in their lives. That one day it will all come crashing home into their soul, not because of anything I have done, but because they have seen His faithfulness in our everyday.
Elizabeth is a transplant from Illinois to Oklahoma. She moved to Oklahoma for a year-long internship working with inner-city youth. During that year she met Joseph her now husband of 5 years. When her sons were born she came to realize that being a wife and a mother requires intentional living. Since then she has been learning to slow her mind and heart, and enjoy as many little moments as possible. You will often find her in the back yard, almost always with a cup of hot tea and a book in hand.