What do we do with those “I feel” statements dictates the direction of our days. Instead of believing everything you feel, speak the truth to yourself…
Today I want to glance back at what is behind, at the hard lessons that scrubbed my soul raw, at the joyful moments that I could barely take in because they were so beautiful, and at every moment in between—the mundane where life is really lived. In tracing the finger of God throughout every step of becoming a mother, I want to highlight the glory of the gospel of Jesus Christ in it all.
I was on the phone with a friend the day I received a text that flipped our family’s world upside down. My sister was in her first trimester of pregnancy and was at her routine check-up when the nurse noticed something abnormal in her ultrasound – several markers for Down Syndrome. I remember reading her words, each one of them hitting my heart like a freight train. Down Syndrome doesn’t run in our family, this can’t be true, I told the Lord, begging Him to spare my sister of any potential heartache and hurt. She and her husband had been trying to have another child for years, this couldn’t be the way God would answer their longing.
My head was spinning. All at once it seemed like every ball I was attempting to juggle came crashing down. I sat in the living room staring at the intimidating notifications on my phone. Sitting next to my phone was a lengthy to-do list I kept rearranging each day, hoping to finally make some headway on it. Instead, I sat there paralyzed with fear that I would make the wrong decision and waste precious time. I was enslaved to the feeling that I had to do “everything” so I ended up accomplishing nothing.
Even typing this I feel like a weight is sitting on my chest. There is so. much. to. do. Do any of you reading this feel like you have an endless to-do list and like you are being crushed by the expectations of this world? This is not living. Feeling overwhelmed by life is really no life at all. It is mere survival in the wilderness of the day-to-day grind instead of thriving in God’s grace in the midst of it all. I’m through with it. For most of my life I’ve been a “yes” girl, never questioning an offer to participate in something and rarely addressing my schedule to see if my commitments are actually doable. When it comes to planning, I tend to have a “thanksgiving” mentality.
Lights low, coffee brewing, blanket ready, Bible open, journal and pen waiting…the makings of what I used to think were the perfect quiet time. In June I entered a new season of motherhood and found that my “quiet time” rarely looked this perfect anymore. I had to fight for it. I had to force myself to open my Bible and journal most days. Since becoming a mama, I’ve struggled with the concept of a “quiet” time since my mornings and days rarely are quiet. I can count on one hand the number of mornings I’ve had that could be considered “quiet” since my son was born. But God is teaching me that just because my quiet times are messy and often filled with noise, they are no less beautiful than they used to be.
Day five of our “Life Lived Beautifully” Fashion week! Meet Katie Lewis, founder of Dear Mushka, in today’s A Life Lived Beautifully feature!
My heart rejoices today writing this post! For months we have been praying about a ministry Life Lived Beautifully can support. Through a series of incredible circumstances and connections, the Lord led us to Kupendwa Ministries.
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