Glancing at the test, the two pink lines caught my eye. Two. Not just one. Two pink lines. I looked at my husband in stunned surprise and held it out for him to see. He led me to the couch and I proceeded to miss the couch and just fall straight to the floor in my usual dramatic fashion. Weโre pregnant. We both sat there for what seemed like hours letting it sink in deep. The surprise and excitement mixed with the worry and unknowns filled out hearts with a flood of emotions. The next nine months were going to change our lives.
The day we found out we were pregnant was exciting and overwhelming. We had no idea what to expect over the next few months. Pregnancy was completely new to us. The first trimester came and went so quickly, even though it seemed like forever at the time. Naps were my favorite part of the day and I was even more spacey than I am on any normal day. Once we reached the end of the first trimester, we rejoiced and announced to the world that we were going to welcome our little โnuggetโ into the world the following May.
Saffles Nugget
Each step of pregnancy has come with a host of surprises and new adventures. But I have to admit, one of them completely shocked me and took me off guard. I had no idea how insecure pregnancy would make me. I have battled with insecurity throughout my life. As a teenage girl, I was very tall and lanky with little to no sports skill. Instead I loved art, fashion, and music. Being taller than all of my friends, including most of the boys, made me jealous of the girls around me who were petite. My mom would constantly remind me that the Lord made me tall for His glory and she would fix my posture almost daily (as if slouching over would really make me shrink an inch or two).
During that season of life, the Lord showed me over and over that the pot doesnโt complain to the Potter. And the Potter creates the pot in a specific way for His glory and for a specific purpose. I discovered truth in the Bible that changed my heart and led me to embrace my height as a beautiful gift of God. All of this came about the time I graduated high school and headed to college. My freshman year was clouded with a host of worries and comparison as well, and by my second semester I was battling with an eating disorder. Never in my life would I have imagined that I would struggle with anorexia. My eyes were unhealthy, my heart set on myself, and my under-eating and over-exercising was leading me down a dangerous path.
The Lord, in His perfect mercy, met me in my brokenness during that season in college and lifted me out of the pit of controlling my eating. He made my eyes new through months and years of struggle and falling on my face before Him. He shattered the shackles on my hands and feet and set me free from the bondage. And ever since I have tasted that sweet freedom.
Bodily insecurity may be an all too familiar struggle for you. Whether it be your height, structure, coloring, teeth (we girls are way too critical of ourselves), or our weight, most women in the world have an undercover struggle with who they are. And Satan, in his crafty deceit, loves to hit us in our most vulnerable place - our identity. In the excitement of the news of our pregnancy, I had no idea that Satan would strike my heart in this area once more.
22 weeks
As I hit 14 weeks, 16, weeks, and 18 weeksโฆmy baby bump was barely appearing. I am 5 foot 10 and have a very long torso. When I would tell people I was pregnant they would be shocked as they looked at my flat tummy. Insecurity blow number one. I have several wonderful friends who are pregnant and are much shorter than me and their baby bump appeared quickly. Insecurity blow number two. I have worn (and buttoned) normal pants until week 21. Insecurity blow number three.
I want you to note that these โinsecurity blowsโ are things I have allowed to seep into my heart. They are attacks of the enemy in areas of my heart that are vulnerable. One thing we must know is that the Lord promises to give us ALL that we need in temptation ย (1 Corinthians 10:13). I let my guard down and allowed Satan to feed my lies instead of running to Godโs Word for truth many times. I constantly ran to my husband about my โbump insecurityโ. One day I would feel as if you couldnโt see my bump at all and ask him if I looked pregnant, worried that no one would notice. The next day I would feel like you could see the bump and was afraid I looked โtooโ pregnant. My poor, yet extremely patient, would faithfully affirm me and remind me that God is making this baby in me and that the bump would come eventually. The problem with these questions is that I was focused on the "bump" instead of the miraculous acts of God. I wanted to see the proof instead of trusting in the invisible work that the Lord was and is doing.
Then I had the dream.
I dreamed that I never looked pregnant. I went the entire nine months and never grew an inch. No one ever knew I was pregnant. Every woman who has had children is probably laughing at this point at such an absurd thought, but this is where my insecurities left me. I used to look at my stomach in college to make sure it was flat, and now I looked at my stomach hoping it would get round. It is amazing how quickly our perspective can change with the seasons of life.
My purpose in writing all of this out is to meet you right where you are. Since I donโt have the ability to have coffee with every woman who reads the blog, I want to write to you in the honesty and vulnerability of my heart. We all struggle with insecurity. Whether you are in the high school years, pregnancy months, or have grown children and are retired, insecurity is a battle that we must fight together for the glory of God. It is time we talked about what truly is at the core of this heart issue.
Insecurity, at its best, is misplaced security. Instead of building the foundation of our identity on Jesus Christ, we try to build on the faulty grounds of worldly affirmation. We misplace our security in things that arenโt really secure. Our confidence falters and we become an unstable mess.
Insecurity: lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt, instability
My bump insecurity resulted from comparison. I was comparing with every woman around me and every story before me instead of looking to the unique story God is writing. We will always miss out on the joys of life when we look to these places. And yet, God calls us to โbump the insecurityโ out of our life with His truth. Insecurity has no room in the heart and life of a believer and follower of Jesus Christ.
Are you with me? Are you ready to be free of the shackles of insecurity? Then we have got to fight, sisters. We have got to believe the truth of Jesus instead of just knowing it or placing it on our mirrors or coffee cups. Scripture is more than just a beautiful adornment to be placed on a wall in your home, it is literally your life, your hope, and your direction. We have the joy and privilege of sharing this freedom with those around us.
Breaking Free
In order to break free of the insecurity shackles, we have to know what causes us to be in bondage. Does social media put you back in chains? Does looking at the mirror, Facebook, or going to the gym? We look to others for affirmation instead of the Lord for total approval and satisfaction. And the insecurity spiral can happen all too quickly before we even realize what has happened! Recognizing what situations puts the chains on is important. It is vital to freedom. But there are many things we canโt avoid - like going out in public. In order to break free, we must learn to rejoice with others and in the person God made them to be, as well as in the unique creation He made us to be. This includes every circumstance of life - illness, suffering, pregnancy (along with all it's changes), marriage, transitions, etc. Insecurity is comparison and critiquing others as well as ourselves. God calls us to rejoice always and in ALL things - including our circumstances and our bodies. They are so temporary, but His truths are forever. Rejoicing with others and in our own journey is the first place to start (Philippians 4:4).
Beth Moore put the nail on the head when she said that we need to โlet the truth scream louder to our souls than the lies that have infected us.โ Jesus told us in John 8:38 that the โtruth will set you free.โ Truth, friends, is the road to freedom. Lies are the pits that trip us up and make us stagnant in our walk. Letโs choose truth.
Bump the Insecurity
In order the bump the insecurity out of our hearts, we need to fill them up with truth. Below are some of the verses I cling to:
- โBut now, O LORD, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.โ Isaiah 64:8
- โDoes not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?โ Romans 9:21
- โThe eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms.โ Deuteronomy 33:27a
- โand I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand. "My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand.โ John 10:28-29
- โFor I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.โ Philippians 1:6
- โThe LORD is for me; I will not fear; What can man do to me? The LORD is for me among those who help me; Therefore I will look with satisfaction on those who hate me.โ Psalm 118:6-7
The Lord is for you. He is your foundation and your soulsโ security. Itโs time we stopped building our identity on the shifting sand of the world and instead built our lives on the firm foundation of Jesus Christ.
Spend time today writing out the lies you have believed and the truth that sets you free. Look to the cross and not the crowd. ย Jesus has saved you, freed you, and bought you for a purpose. Let's live for that, friends. Let's taste the freedom and build our identity on the rock that never moves.
Today I am bumping out the insecurity as my baby bump grows and replacing it with truth. Are you with me? Let's embrace the gospel together.
Gretchen, once again thank you so much for your honesty! I myself am just 8 weeks pregnant, and I’m already worried about insecurity creeping in. I’m sure I’ll be returning to this post in the weeks to come to be refreshed & renewed by your encouragement. Blessings over your dear one!
Gretchen, once again thank you so much for your honesty! I myself am just 8 weeks pregnant, and I’m already worried about insecurity creeping in. I’m sure I’ll be returning to this post in the weeks to come to be refreshed & renewed by your encouragement. Blessings over your dear one!
You are beautiful and I am praying for the reminder of this pregnancy that you would feel confident and secure in the amazing woman that God created you to be!
You are beautiful and I am praying for the reminder of this pregnancy that you would feel confident and secure in the amazing woman that God created you to be!
Love this post. It’s so true. I have been there several times believing the lies and rejecting the truth God wants for me. I’m so happy for your baby bump! For this beautiful angel that is living through you.I have to kids, Joaquรญn and Ana, and I have many pictures from my baby bumps too ๐
It’s the first time I’m reading your blog, and I have to say it feels so famliar to me. I think every mom suffers insecurities about pregancy, especially beacause of comparisons and the the comments from family and friends. In my case it was about my weight.
I discovered your instagram yesterday while I was looking something about bible study and I placed an order from your shop as well, although I think I made a mistake about the shipping, if you have any chance to check it out please let me know.
Thank you for sharing those scriptures. I’m printing them know to have them handy.
Love,
Carla
Love this post. It’s so true. I have been there several times believing the lies and rejecting the truth God wants for me. I’m so happy for your baby bump! For this beautiful angel that is living through you.I have to kids, Joaquรญn and Ana, and I have many pictures from my baby bumps too ๐
It’s the first time I’m reading your blog, and I have to say it feels so famliar to me. I think every mom suffers insecurities about pregancy, especially beacause of comparisons and the the comments from family and friends. In my case it was about my weight.
I discovered your instagram yesterday while I was looking something about bible study and I placed an order from your shop as well, although I think I made a mistake about the shipping, if you have any chance to check it out please let me know.
Thank you for sharing those scriptures. I’m printing them know to have them handy.
Love,
Carla
You are such a beautiful person inside and out (and a super cute pregnant lady :)!! Thank you for writing this. I have been struggling with my own insecurities recently and until reading this, I wouldn’t have even called them insecurities. But now I realize that’s exactly what they are and that I need to let go of them and know that I don’t control the plan or the timing of it.
You are such a beautiful person inside and out (and a super cute pregnant lady :)!! Thank you for writing this. I have been struggling with my own insecurities recently and until reading this, I wouldn’t have even called them insecurities. But now I realize that’s exactly what they are and that I need to let go of them and know that I don’t control the plan or the timing of it.
I can relate! I did not even start showing till about 20 weeks even in my third pregnancy, and I could wear my normal jeans until the end. I definitely got a belly, but it was just the way I carried and am built. I didn’t mind at all, though. I kind of liked it! But, that being said, I do struggle with insecurity in this area that pops up from time to time…now being one, so I appreciate what you wrote here! I got teased growing up about being so skinny, told I needed to eat more candy, that I disappeared into the couch, yada yada. I still remember who said them and the exact words. I like that you said to look for triggers…lately it has been things I’ve seen on fb about how men like curvy women and this and that. Satan puts doubt in my head that maybe even my husband isn’t telling me the truth and that he secretly prefers curvy women. Satan is ruthless. So, anyway, you are not alone and yes, let’s bump the insecurity and battle it with TRUTH! We are fearfully and wonderfully made. You and your bump are beautiful! I think pregnant women are adorable, especially the ones with cute little bellies!
I can relate! I did not even start showing till about 20 weeks even in my third pregnancy, and I could wear my normal jeans until the end. I definitely got a belly, but it was just the way I carried and am built. I didn’t mind at all, though. I kind of liked it! But, that being said, I do struggle with insecurity in this area that pops up from time to time…now being one, so I appreciate what you wrote here! I got teased growing up about being so skinny, told I needed to eat more candy, that I disappeared into the couch, yada yada. I still remember who said them and the exact words. I like that you said to look for triggers…lately it has been things I’ve seen on fb about how men like curvy women and this and that. Satan puts doubt in my head that maybe even my husband isn’t telling me the truth and that he secretly prefers curvy women. Satan is ruthless. So, anyway, you are not alone and yes, let’s bump the insecurity and battle it with TRUTH! We are fearfully and wonderfully made. You and your bump are beautiful! I think pregnant women are adorable, especially the ones with cute little bellies!
This is so good Gretchen! I am 5’11, and when I was 8 months pregnant, people would look at me and still wonder….it’s the blessing and the curse of being tall! Totally understand you on this one!
This is so good Gretchen! I am 5’11, and when I was 8 months pregnant, people would look at me and still wonder….it’s the blessing and the curse of being tall! Totally understand you on this one!
I know exactly how you feel! I am a little under 5’10 and I remember being so anxious for my bump to show and it took a little while because I have such a long torso. I remember that tendency to compare in that season all too well! Thank you for sharing what the Lord is teaching you! Your blog and instagram are such a blessing!
I know exactly how you feel! I am a little under 5’10 and I remember being so anxious for my bump to show and it took a little while because I have such a long torso. I remember that tendency to compare in that season all too well! Thank you for sharing what the Lord is teaching you! Your blog and instagram are such a blessing!
Thank you for this! I am 20 weeks and still waiting on my bump ๐ I go back and forth with loving that I’m still small and wanting to be bigger! Then when it DOES stick out for some reason im self conscious and wishing I could still pull it in! Surely one of these days it’s going to sneak up on me. Thanks for the wonderful reminder.
Thank you for this! I am 20 weeks and still waiting on my bump ๐ I go back and forth with loving that I’m still small and wanting to be bigger! Then when it DOES stick out for some reason im self conscious and wishing I could still pull it in! Surely one of these days it’s going to sneak up on me. Thanks for the wonderful reminder.
I loved reading this post, Gretchen. It was such an encouragement to me here in Guatemala this morning. It’s been a trying week here, and sometimes it’s kind of nice to have a reminder that everyone has struggles no matter how perfect everyone’s life may appear on Facebook etc. Hope you, Greg, and and your precious little baby boy are all doing well!
P.S. Your bump is the cutest!
I loved reading this post, Gretchen. It was such an encouragement to me here in Guatemala this morning. It’s been a trying week here, and sometimes it’s kind of nice to have a reminder that everyone has struggles no matter how perfect everyone’s life may appear on Facebook etc. Hope you, Greg, and and your precious little baby boy are all doing well!
P.S. Your bump is the cutest!
hmmmn very good food for thought. At first I was confused because i thought you DIDN’T want your bump to show. I had no idea having a baby bump was something desirable. My mind is truly blown (in a good way). i learned something new haha
And thank you so much for your openness and vulnerability on this blog. I truly appreciate it and you’re touching so many lives!
hmmmn very good food for thought. At first I was confused because i thought you DIDN’T want your bump to show. I had no idea having a baby bump was something desirable. My mind is truly blown (in a good way). i learned something new haha
And thank you so much for your openness and vulnerability on this blog. I truly appreciate it and you’re touching so many lives!
Oh Gretchen. I wish we could meet IRL for coffee!! I completely know what you mean about pregnancy challenging what you know to be true about God and yourself and what you “feel” is true at that moment. Your definition of security vs. insecurity is spot on. I would also add that misplaced identity can be a factor in our doubts; we want to identify as something other than being ‘in Christ.’ Thanks for being so open and honest.
Oh Gretchen. I wish we could meet IRL for coffee!! I completely know what you mean about pregnancy challenging what you know to be true about God and yourself and what you “feel” is true at that moment. Your definition of security vs. insecurity is spot on. I would also add that misplaced identity can be a factor in our doubts; we want to identify as something other than being ‘in Christ.’ Thanks for being so open and honest.
Thank you for sharing your heart, Gretchen. It seems to me like insecurity relating to body image always needs to be addressed in this day and age! I’m pregnant with my first right now too, yay! My struggle is on the opposite end of the spectrum… I’m 9 weeks and already feeling “fat” and like I shouldn’t be “showing” because it’s too early! This is a good reminder that contentment isn’t found in a pant size or number on the scale… It’s found in God alone. I’m really going to make an effort to EMBRACE all the changes going on in my body, and not worry about having the perfect pregnancy! For my sake and for the sake of the women around me who will likey go through similar feelings.
Thank you for sharing your heart, Gretchen. It seems to me like insecurity relating to body image always needs to be addressed in this day and age! I’m pregnant with my first right now too, yay! My struggle is on the opposite end of the spectrum… I’m 9 weeks and already feeling “fat” and like I shouldn’t be “showing” because it’s too early! This is a good reminder that contentment isn’t found in a pant size or number on the scale… It’s found in God alone. I’m really going to make an effort to EMBRACE all the changes going on in my body, and not worry about having the perfect pregnancy! For my sake and for the sake of the women around me who will likey go through similar feelings.
Thank you for the beautiful post addressing the ongoing struggle that every female faces. Thank you for the verses! I know I will cling to them next time I am tempted to compare my body to another girls. I am a high school senior and know several borderline anorexic girls. In there presence I often feel overweight and out of shape, but I know that’s not true and I clog to the truth I was created by a creator who loves me.Thanks again!
-Madi
Thank you for the beautiful post addressing the ongoing struggle that every female faces. Thank you for the verses! I know I will cling to them next time I am tempted to compare my body to another girls. I am a high school senior and know several borderline anorexic girls. In there presence I often feel overweight and out of shape, but I know that’s not true and I clog to the truth I was created by a creator who loves me.Thanks again!
-Madi
Bless your heart! You are beautiful and have such a cute baby bump! Not everyone is the same, no need to compare. Although many of us are guilty of it, do not let it consume you! I have to tell my daughters this all of the time! Enjoy YOUR pregnancy and be happy and blessed in each step along the way. ๐ <3
Bless your heart! You are beautiful and have such a cute baby bump! Not everyone is the same, no need to compare. Although many of us are guilty of it, do not let it consume you! I have to tell my daughters this all of the time! Enjoy YOUR pregnancy and be happy and blessed in each step along the way. ๐ <3
[…] with a new cover and verses on the inside. Ifย these updates weren’t enough excitement, Gretchen is due to join the mommy club in May! (Welcome, […]
Gretchen, just wanted to say that your story was so very familiar to my own pregnancy in 2010. Eating disorders take so much from us, imprisoning ourselves in our own bodies even after we have been on a road of recovery. I struggled with a horrific mix of anorexia and bulimia since my 8th grade year, I went through periods of remission only to be sucked back in to the horror time and time again. My last stent in treatment was in 2008 where I left a lot healthier than I had been in a long time. However, about year and a half after I felt my healthiest, I reach my lowest point in my eating disorder. It wasn’t until I became pregnant unexpectedly that I finally was able to give everything to God. Becoming pregnant with my daughter I felt was a blessing in disguise, my saving grace. Knowing that I had to do everything in my power to work on becoming healthy again because there was another life counting on me was what finally healed me. It’s what finally taught me what honoring my body was all about. My entire pregnancy I struggled with my rapidly changing appearance but prayed daily for the strength to embrace my new body and the courage to continue to make healthy choices. So I guess what I am trying to say is that the new life growing from within you is far greater than the doubts that Satan can put in your mind. So on those hard days when insecurities get the best of you, just remember to embrace the gift God has given you. ๐ Oh, and May babies are the best ๐
Thanks for this! I found your picture first on a website of belly pics because I wanted to compare at the 22 week mark. I’m relatively older first time pregnant, and my insecurity is based on fear something may go wrong–I worry my belly isn’t big enough and maybe the baby isn’t growing! But simultaneously I worry I’ll overcompensate foodwise and risk gestational diabetes, and then a cascade of complications etc! We dealt with infertility issues so I know that’s also where the fear comes from.
But you helped in two ways–first, we look similar belly-size. But MORE importantly I clicked on your blog and was reminded of my own faith and gratitude to have gotten this far to begin with, to feel those maybe-kicks-maybe-gas (insecurity plus inexperience plus anterior placenta muffling everythinf!). I am blessed at this moment and can do no more than have faith and trust and gratitude for already feeling such love for the little wiggle of hope in my belly. Thanks for sharing about your insecurity and how you faced it, remembering your source of strength.
I completely feel you! And want to encourage you even more today that God is caring for that precious baby in your belly! All the insecurities are Satan’s ways of trying to distract us from the beautiful work God is doing in our womb. Your belly will grow so quickly! (I am 31 weeks now and am amazed at much our son has grown) and I pray that as your belly grows, so does your faith and worship of our mighty and wonderful God! I am praising Him today that this post was able to encourage your heart!
I know you wrote this a long time ago, but it just spoke truth to my heart! I was always ‘bigger’ at school and then in my mid-late 20s developed what is known as orthorexia where I controlled my food and exercise, and lost so much weight my periods stopped and I ruined my teeth. The Lord healed me of that when I got married and I have maintained a healthy weight for 6 years. I am now 14 weeks pregnant (at 35!) and all I can think is that my soft body, and protruding gut is so disgusting that I just look fat instead of pregnant. Why is my friend’s stomach so much flatter at the same stage (she is10 years younger than me)? Your post reminded me that I am growing a miracle. That my body is protecting and nourishing that little miracle so why am I hating on that body that the Lord created to do just that.