It’s been a while since I’ve written from the depths of my heart on this blog – mainly because I have been traveling quite a bit and also because I have been wrestling a lot in my time with the Lord. The Lord planted a seed for Life Lived Beautifully in my heart in the beginning of 2013. It has been over a year since the beginnings of the business, and my heart is fuller now than it has been! God has radically changed this business from its’ beginnings, and I believe that He is still changing it and molding it. Here’s where the wrestling comes in – I don’t want to just keep going because I can. I only want to go where I know His presence is going with me. Anyone else know this feeling?
Recently, my morning quiet times have been filled with a sort of restlessness which is being stirred from my desire to keep creating and doing. But I have realized how easily it is to fall back into my own self sufficiency. It is a tremendous blessing to be able to work from home and create products that women can use to glorify the Lord, but, I need be honest that it is a battle most days! Satan doesn’t like the goal of Life Lived Beautifully. He doesn’t want us to live fully for the glory of God. He hates it when we are selfless and depend on the Lord. If you ever wonder where your discouragement and doubt stems from, I can tell you right here and now that it never comes from the Lord, BUT, that it is a sign of God’s favor.
How can this be? How can our inner turmoil and wrestling be a sign of God working in us? The Gospel tells us every single moment of every single day that we are a needy people. We desperately need Christ to fill us, save us, wash us clean and make us new. Just because you are serving the Lord in what you are doing does not exempt you from struggle. As a matter of fact, Paul tells us bluntly in 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 that “we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.” Death and life coincide in the life of a believer. Daily we need to die to ourselves so that we can live to Christ.
This is where the wrestling has been taking place in my heart. Deep down, there’s still a sinful nature. Deep down, I still want glory. Deep down, I want to be known. But this is where God’s glorious grace rescues me everyday! The blood that spilled from Christ on the cross runs deep down into my heart. It doesn’t miss a crack or a space that is filled with my own self-centeredness. His blood is full and perfectly redeems. When it is running through my veins, He is glorified in every way! But when I fill myself up with my own strength, I fail miserably.
My heart in this post is that I don’t want to create, to write, to Instagram, to lead Bible studies, to go overseas, to worship, to brush my teeth, to cook for my husband, to have coffee with a friend to the glory of myself. And if that means that everyday I wrestle so that Christ might win my heart, so be it. Because the promise in God’s Word is clear – through Christ we are more than conquerers.
I believe that God wants to continue to do a work through Life Lived Beautifully, the new journals and products and through posts. But most importantly, I believe He wants the Gospel to be clearly displayed through it all and through the smallest, tiniest details of my life.
The wrestling is a beautiful, sisters. Rather than growing weary, I beg of you to keep finding your strength and purpose in Christ. Don’t be afraid to slow down, stop, start something new, do something hard, or fall on your knees before the Lord. This life is too short to be wasted on ourselves or empty pursuits. With all we have, let’s pursue the One who stooped down to become just like us so that we could be a part of His family.
Let the blood of Christ run through your veins.
wrestling with you for His glory,