“I just want to quit.” -me (and most likely you)
These past few months, the words “I just want to quit” have spilled out of my mouth on several occasions. In between the birth of our first baby, adjusting to the growth of a business, and trying to grasp the new rhythms of life, I have had to discipline myself to place my gaze back on Christ. Quitting has felt like the easiest way to escape all of the hard decisions I need to make and soul scrubbing from the Lord. I ache to experience the joy of the Lord at all times in this life. However, joy doesn’t come naturally to us. We have to learn it. I long for joy when I change a diaper and the next minute my baby soils another…when I clean the kitchen and the next minute the sink is filled again…when I fold the laundry and realize I forgot a load in the washer that has already soiled…when I pull up my computer to check emails and Nolan wakes up from his five-minute nap.
However, when all of those things happen, my natural and first response is usually “I just want to quit.” I want to quit the hard things. I want to quit trying hard. I want to quit fighting for joy. I want to quit dreaming big. I want to quit. Anyone else know the feeling?
Quitting seems like the easiest option when your soul is waging war against the truth you have stockpiled in your heart. When all the ammunition of truth seems to be running low and the enemy is still shooting arrows at your weakest vulnerabilities, it seems to quit. According to dictionary.com, the definition for quitting is—
- to stop, cease, or discontinue
- to depart from; leave
- to give up or resign; let go; relinquish
- to release one’s hold of
- to free or rid (oneself)
To stop. To cease. To give up. To release one’s hold of. To be free.
If that’s the definition for quitting, sign me up! I want to quit. It’s not my role as a wife and a mother, not my job, not my home, not social media, and not my phone that I need to quit. I quit myself.
The truth is, the war we fight is within us. The evil is not Instagram, other people, the iPhone, the laundry, or the lasagna stuck on the pan that’s been sitting in your sink for days. Paul explains in 2 Corinthians 10:3-6, “For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete.”
We aren’t waging war against our phones, our homes, or our neighbors; we are waging war against the enemy.
What does this have to do with quitting? Well, everything. We want to quit when we start fighting the wrong fight. We forget the victory is ours when we stop fighting with the ammunition Christ gave us at the cross through the gospel. The enemy’s greatest tactic is to get us distracted and up in arms in the wrong battle. For example, the struggles we have with social media are not the “likes,” the comments, or the followers. The problem is our hearts that crave those things. We crave attention. We crave affirmation. We crave to be noticed.
When we crave what doesn’t satisfy, we end up tasting poison. We walk down the narrow road of jealousy that breeds contentment that breeds confusion that breeds distance from the Lord. We aren’t fighting social media, we are fighting the idols of the heart. Jeremiah tells us “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.” (Jeremiah 17:9-10)
We need to quit ourselves. We need to quit being swayed by the roller coaster emotions of our hearts. As women, we need to quit making excuses for our feelings and start standing firm in the truth of God’s Word. The battle isn’t your laundry. The battle isn’t your Instagram. The battle isn’t your to-do list. The battle is much greater, and there is much more at stake. The battle is in your heart. It’s time we fight back and quit the right things.
One day, in a very weak moment when the words “I just want to quit” reached the tip of my tongue from the depths of my heart, the Lord reminded me again that I was wanting to quit the wrong things. Instead of quitting sharing my heart on social media. Or quitting cleaning my home because it feels never-ending. Or quitting using my phone because it feels it is always ringing...I quit myself.
I am relinquishing the control I crave and am trusting in the sovereignty of God. I give up my plans, my dreams, and my goals, for the sake of knowing my God more. I am going to quit myself and stand in the freedom Christ purchased for me on the cross. He has given me a new identity. I quit the old one.
I quit listening to the lies of Satan.
I quit worrying about every little thing not under my control.
I quit comparing myself to other Christian women and entrepreneurs.
I quit looking in the mirror for my identity instead of the Word.
I quit wasting my time on worthless things.
I quit measuring myself up and down to others.
I quit finding my worth in a clean home.
I quit trying to do more instead of doing what I’ve been assigned to do well.
I quit doubting God and the promises of His Word.
I quit finding my success in likes, followers, and sales.
I quit trying to impress everyone and please all people.
I quit aiming to be perfect, when I can never measure up apart from the cross of Jesus Christ and His blood that covers me.
I quit chasing the world, and instead will chase Jesus.
Today, I am quitting. And I can feel the freedom bell ringing. I can feel my heart releasing. I can feel my mind clearing. I quit, and I will cling to my Savior, Jesus, who quit for me on the cross.
What are you quitting? May we quit so we can know Him more fully, fight for joy, and live in the victory that has already been one.
quitting with you (again + again + again), so I can know Him more,